Now “They” Tell Me

Thanks to Plousia, I’ve been made aware that I am dissatisfied with life.  Although she does have the gift of discernment and I’m sure I’ve mentioned my many woes to her (including being more male than female), she learned the above from a Doctor of Psychology in England.

Apparently, those people with surnames at the beginning of the alphabet are very satisfied with life.  Those at the end are wrought with dissatisfaction.  According to his research, I can therefore assume that my poor Mom has run the gamut of emotions plummeting from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows upon her marriage (a B to a Z).  I truly believe that if my Dad had known about this survey years ago, he never would have asked her to marry him.  Why be the cause of bringing a life of dissatisfaction upon the one you love?  And then I wouldn’t have existed, which would probably have been more satisfying, you know?

At least the question of “to keep my surname or not” if I ever marry has been effectively determined.
And I now know that Mr. Knightly won’t cut it…I’m setting my sights on Mr. Darcy.  Because, you know, we’ve always thought while watching Pride and Prejudice that Darcy was very satisfied.  Just not nearly as satisfied as Mr. Bingley.  And the Bennett family – well, it makes you realize that Jane Austen didn’t put too much thought into appropriate surnames.  But obviously this was merely because Jane was so satisfied with life that she hadn’t time to rename the Bennetts to the Youngs or the Zunkers or similar. 

And the Addams family?  Let’s forget for a second how disfunctional, creepy and weird they were and focus on the fact that they were satisfied with life.

Even all of history starts to make sense.  George Washington – not satisfied. Poor choice for a president.  Now Adams, he must be a satisfied man.  Let’s give him a chance.  Lately we’ve really been getting it right – Bush, Clinton, Bush.  Obama doesn’t stand a chance.

Instead of focusing on character and personality, we’ve been living in a surname-driven society.  You can see the yoyo effect best displayed in a short Russian history:

Tsar Nicholas Romanov – a very dissatisfied man.  Let’s forget the fact that he was never properly groomed for the role of Tsar, merely wanted to be left alone as a family man, and chose poor advisors who disagreed constantly.  Really, his surname was to blame for what followed.

Vladimir Lenin –  No disrespect to Russia, but they’ve never felt they deserved a lot of happiness/satisfaction.  So they weren’t going for the A’s and B’s.  But still, a Lenin must be more satisfed with life.  With Nadezhda Krupskaya by his side, things looked good.

Joseph Stalin – After Lenin didn’t work out, a swing in the dissatisfaction direction seemed the thing to do.

Solzhenitsyn begins to describe his life in Communist Russia.  Way too much dissatisfaction.  A huge pendulum swing is needed.

Then follows Georgy Malenkov, Nikita Khrushchev, Leonid Breznev, Yuri Andropov, Konstantin Chernenko, Mikhail Gorbachev in quick succession.  Just look at that lineup.  No wonder Russia is such a satisfied place.

I’d continue on this fun rant but the dissatisfaction of my present life (including writing this post) is getting to me.  For those of you in the first half of the alphabet, enjoy your life.  It’s not like you did anything to deserve it.  But still, don’t cry for me…


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