All the Pleasure Is For Me

No, Truly, All the Pleasure Is For Me

Still so exhausted from the past few weeks that I have already cancelled all of next weekend’s plans…

Following is one of those horrendously written scam letters that found its way into my Junk Mail (with comments from me in bold).

  All the pleasure is for me to write this message to you in order to request your invaluable partnership for the realization of a very important business which must be treated in greatest discretion. (Love this sentence.  First because all the pleasure is certainly not for me.  Second because by sharing this with my blog faithful, I haven’t exactly used great discretion…)
I consequently ask you to take note, without you to astonish by the choice which I carry on your person by seizing this happy opportunity to make contact of you. (What the heck?  I have spoken with many people who speak English as a second or third language and they never sound like this.  They often mess up prepositions or leave articles out.  They do not use extra words like astonish or seizing.)
I ask you from the start to excuse yourselves for all the nuisances which my mail could have caused you. But same if we do not know each other personally and that we never meet, I believe firmly that a true confidence can be born from our communication and this support a true partnership between you and me. (Poor guy, picking me for his true partnership.  I must say, though, what a nice offer he makes me in the first sentence.  He suggests that if his email has been a nuisance, I should excuse myself for the nuisance…as if that’s even possible…)
I am officer in-charge of auditing and accounting in bank of Africa in the foreign remittance department here in Burkina Faso, I have be working in this banking institution for more than 11years.
The late customer MR ANDREAS SCHRAMMER was appointed ambassador to New York in 1993 to 1999; and a Minister for businesses and foreign affair in its country. He was a member influencing in the mediation of the relations between the United States and Iraq in the years 1980. (The years 1980?  Plural?  Anyone else like the vagueness here…)
It found death on Friday July 5, 2003 at New York in the centre commemorative of cancer of Sloan-Kettering of the continuation of a crisis cardiac.  (Hands down, best sentence yet.  “It” I assume refers to the mediation of relations between US and Iraq.  And by “found death” I assume that it was seeking and searching for death, therefore, was ecstatic when it finally found it.  And then “It” dropped dead in a center commemorating cancer (ironically enough) not from cancer but from a continuing heart attack.  At least, that’s my best translation.)
During my investigation in the bank I discover that the deceased customer deposited the sum of $49,850,000 dollar (forty nine million eight hundred an fifty thousand dollars) And I notice in the file that during the deposition of this money with the bank he did not indicate is true next of kin to the board of directors in is paper work with the bank of Africa, after all intensive routing investigation I find out that no body have ever come to put claim for the released of this money.
It is upon this I am now seizing the privilege and opportunity to contact you as to apply to the bank as a relative to the deceased customer. (I shudder at the thought that an ambassador and mediator was worth 49 million dollars.  Second, I refuse to believe that anyone with that much money would not have his papers in order.  Third, why is the bank and not this man’s board of directors searching for nearest kin?)
As a foreign partner which this money will be transfer into you account, you are entitle to 40% of the total money why 55% will be for me as the moderator of this transaction and 5% is been mapped out for measeallanouse expenditure that may be incur during the course of this transaction.  (Hannah, note the latest spelling of misc.  Please pass on to the Worthing church in case they’ve grown tired of their overused misspelling of misc. and want a new version…Seriously, though, if this man was a relative and I was entitled to his money, there is no way I would accept 40%.  I guess that’s why people buy into this scheme because they know they aren’t relatives and can justify taking 40% but not 100%
I will urge you to go through this proposal properly and let me know if you are willing to accord me this assistance for us to achieved this golden opportunity for the betterment of our life, I also want to let you know that this transaction is 100% risk free there is nothing for you to be afraid off, all loophole have been properly taking care before contacting you.  (The betterment of our life?  I could definitely use this!  Having been told that life is a disappointment to me because of the alphabetic placement of my last name, I sure could use free money.  Nice to know that all the loopholes have already been taken care of…)

Yours faithfully
Bill & Exchange Manager

It is shocking how many people buy into these schemes.  Apparently they truly believe that money really is floating around…that no one would notice 20 million suddenly deposited in their account…that no one would check to make sure they really are relatives…that Africa wants to part with this money…that this money was ever even put in an African bank to begin with (Swiss accounts, people, Swiss accounts!).  And why would a man working in New York with an obviously European name place his money in a Burkina Faso bank?

All of this to say, people, you need to think for yourselves.
And, thank goodness for Hotmail actually knowing what constitutes Junk Mail. 
Now if only people were as smart as Hotmail… 


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