When Doubt Asks for a Piggyback Ride

12 Mar

We all have those moments, don’t we?  When we’re humming along, keeping our head above water, (even if breathing heavy) and then – wham – doubt jumps on our back.  And treading water with an un-welcomed burden on our backs is impossible.  It’s at that point that we begin to drown.

Unless we can shore ourselves up, shove doubt back into the brackish water, and focus again on our task, not our intruder.  Shoving doubt away is a choice.

My St. Patty’s Day Marathon

Doubt says: You’ll be miserable.  You paid money for this marathon and a plane ticket and now you can’t finish, heck, maybe won’t even be able to run 3 miles of it.  And everyone will say “What is SHE doing here? She doesn’t belong!”

I choose to know: I will enjoy this weekend away because I am going to be relaxing and with my friend and I get to cheer her on.  I get to put myself aside and focus on someone else for a change.

My Physical Therapy

Doubt says: You still are in pain after running 3 miles. All you have to show for it is a lot of copays and some black kinesio tape.

I choose to know: I can climb stairs, do squats and lunges now. Before, I could balance for 30 seconds on one leg on a Bosu ball.  Now I can balance for 3 minutes.  I now know how to build glute and hip and calf strength and how important it is to be able to control my knee wobbling.  My IT band is loose and happy and the scar tissue is gone and we’ve identified the other muscle that needs to be loosened now.

My MBA Semester

Doubt says: This was supposed to be an easy semester.  Yet you’re completely stressed and spending MORE time in the classroom during spring break week than you normally do during the regular semester.

I choose to know: I’m putting more time in so the end of the semester isn’t as stressful. I’m just burnt out and exhausted which is why it’s so good that my MBA is almost over and done with.

How People Perceive Me

Doubt says: You can’t wear shorts to the gym.  Everyone will see your short muscular legs and the funny piece of kinesiology tape running up your IT band. They’ll say “Shouldn’t our Health and Wellness rep be in better shape than that?”

I choose to know: No one cares.  No one is judging me.  In fact, the only comment made to me about me today at the gym was “Hey! Where’s your badass kinesio tape?  We miss seeing it on your leg.”

Doubt says: No one likes you.  He was speaking for others when he said “I’m opting out of your drama.”

I choose to know: The drama he was “opting out of” was me asking to be left alone after he said I was too competitive, too judgmental, too ugly and too naive to be friends with.  If there was any drama, it was of his own making.  I choose to dwell on the email that arrived later that day from a friend. I don’t remember the content. It doesn’t matter.  Because the subject line said it all: Opting In.

Less doubt. More hope. Increased joy.  That’s what I’m choosing to carry on my back.  I’m opting in.

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