If Only People Didn’t Exist…

6 Dec

My job would be so much easier if there were no people.  Admittedly, there would be no point to my job, or even my entire industry, if there were no people.

But people are all sorts of crazy.  They yell at you, they swear at you, they walk past the big box saying “Place Open Enrollment Forms Here” and interrupt you while you’re on a conference call or in a meeting or eating your breakfast at 3pm and say “Where do I put this form?”  And then you go out of your way to answer their questions for 40 minutes and then they ask a payroll tax question and you direct them to Payroll and they stand up in a huff and say “Well, you are NO help at all!”  Even though you just saved them $3500 a year on medical expenses.  I may not be Geico but I do my best.

And people are all sorts of weird.  They expect you to know what they want before they want it. They expect you to know what they elected for benefits 3 years ago and why they were upset about a plan that was dropped before I ever came to work.  And they eat your food without asking you.  And they make a mess in your office.  And they steal your pens.  And really, it’s just enough to make anyone want to cry.  Which is how I felt every 14 seconds today.

But then again, my job would be so much harder without people.

Without the coworkers staying late at night to help me process forms.  Without my work-crush, all 80+ years of age, battling through chemotherapy and still wrapping a Christmas present and having it delivered to me.  Without the hidden work web of employees that drive and drop off a severely handicapped employee who finds great delight in coming to work every day.  And they make that possible.

Without the coworkers that let me talk about bikes and lend me ibuprofen and listen to my rants.  And the coworker who has promised me that I can ask him any question I want about nuclear power plants and didn’t bat an eye at how nerdy I am.  Maybe because he was ecstatic to find a peer who actually had questions about nuclear power plants?

Without the boss who is happier when I succeed at something than when he succeeds himself.  Without the coworker who dragged me along for my first relay race and now has to put up with my “I LOVE HIM!!!” emails every time he sends a picture of his newborn son.  Without the coworker who thinks he is Tom Brady and makes me laugh uncontrollably with his witty, albeit falsely prideful, texts.  Without the coworker who dances, I kid you not, dances around the offices.  Today’s move involved a sidestep kick shimmy.  In a bright red peacoat. It was all kinds of crazy.

If people didn’t exist, I’d be happier.  If people didn’t exist, I’d be miserable.  Please reassure me this is normal.

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