Occupy…the Finish Line!

7 Nov

When asked today what my marathon goal is, I realized it’s pretty simple: Occupy the Finish Line.

Obviously, I have to run 26.2 miles before I can begin the occupation.

And I won’t be wearing an Occupy the Finish Line t-shirt as I’m afraid I’d be lumped in with OccupyWallStreet which is a whole different marathon of a very different and confusing sort.

But I will cheer for those also intent on Occupying the Finish Line.  While simultaneously envying those who occupy it before me.  And I’ll smile for the spectators who will be externally grinning and cheering me on but internally thinking “Wow, what stupid people they must be to think this is fun.”

In case you’re still not clear on the main differences between Occupying the Finish Line and OccupyingWallStreet or OccupyBoston or OccupyYourFridge (all teenager boys participate in this one – ditto for OccupyTheGameCube) here are the main tenets behind Occupy The Finish Line:

1. I will Occupy The Finish Line.  By “occupy” it, I mean cross the finish line in one piece while still loving to run.  “Occupy” does not involve any tents.

2. I will be part of the 1% who run marathons.  I will be part of the 99% who complete marathons.  I will be part of the 1% who sign up for marathons and actually complete them.  I will be part of the 99% who have horrible race photos taken of them.  I will be part of the 1% who run ultra marathons before they ever attempt a marathon. And I will be part of the 99% who do it all over again.

3. Even though I cannot tolerate Gatorade and Gu, I will use them. I will admit my need for electrolytes that they can provide. I will not rail against the sickly overly-sweet nature of Gatorade and Gu while still ingesting them.

4. I will not think less of those who I pass or more of those who pass me.

5. I will be clear in my demands when I begin to occupy. Not only that but they will mirror the demands of every other occupier.  We will be on the same page.  We want medals and photos with family members, warm clothes, wet-wipes to get rid of the salty crust on our faces,  water or even better, chocolate milk.  We want you to force us to walk around. We want the term “lactic acid” to not exist.  We want you to consider occupying the finish line with us next time.  Because we want this so badly, we may even lie a little bit about how bad/hard/exhausting it was.  But just a little.

I plan on Occupying the Finish Line.  For about 10 minutes.  And then I will go home.

Someone has to. Even finish lines get a tad crowded.

 

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