Dealing with “Crap”

30 Mar

Sometimes we have to deal with hard stuff.  Really crappy, no-one-should-have-to-go-through-this hard stuff.  And people tell you all sorts of true (but not always helpful) things.

  • You’ll be better equipped to help other people with hard stuff.  (Yay, I am a guinea pig who must suffer through things so others don’t have to.)
  • It’s because you’re so competent, God gives you an extra load.  (So if I stop being competent, I will stop having to deal with crap?)
  • Life only gets harder.  (Okay. I’m depressed now.)
  • Cheer up, Charlie.  Tomorrow is another day.  (That’s what I’m afraid of…)
  • You’re tough. You’ll get through it.  (Maybe. Or maybe this is the part where I finally give up and stop plowing forward.)

Here is what people mean to say.

  • I’m sorry.
  • That sucks.
  • I’m here for you.  What can I do, if anything?
  • I am not going to belittle your troubles by telling you about  my worse troubles.  Or about similar troubles that my friend’s neighbor’s barber’s niece had.  I am just going to sit here and listen.  Occasionally nod.  Offer a hug if need be.
  • I’m proud of you.  I was proud of how you handled yourself before this crap came into your life and I will  be proud of you long after this crap disappears.

This is a common issue.  What is said isn’t what is meant to be said. Or what needs to be heard.  Be vocal with others about what you need to hear.  You may learn a lot about them and yourself in the process.  It’s okay to say something, stop, laugh, and say “Wow. I sound like a Hallmark card. I’m sorry.”  Or to say “Listen, was that helpful or is there another approach that would be more beneficial right now?”

The manner in which we speak and comfort and encourage should be conducive to the message we are conveying. Make sure your messages matches your mannerisms and your mode of communication.

And then you’ll be better equipped to help people with hard stuff.  🙂


One Response to “Dealing with “Crap””

  1. evie winter March 30, 2011 at 5:27 pm #

    Great article, I find myself on both sides of the fence. Say daft things and have them said to me. Funny thing it I actually find them quite helpful (!) But well I’m odd like that.

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