HR Questions of the Day

6 Dec

1)
Do I put the forms here?
Yes, in the box that says “Please put Open Enrollment forms here”
All of the forms?
Yes, all of the forms.
I mean…can’t you just put my forms in your office?
No, I need my table and desk uncluttered for employee meetings.
(In my head – No, your forms are no more special than anyone else’s forms.)

2)
My college-aged son is coming to visit over Christmas break.
That’s great. I don’t handle seasonal employment, if that’s your question.
No, actually, I was wondering…could you show him around Boston and Cambridge?
No, sorry. That’s way out of my job jurisdiction. I’m sure you can show him to a local bar and he’ll do just fine…
But it would be a benefit to me…
I’m sure it would. But the answer is still No.

3)
Does our life insurance policy cover for acts of war?
No.
Does it cover for catastrophic weather events?
No.
Does it cover for acts of terrorism?
No. Those three items are not standard life insurance coverages. Um, is there something you know that I don’t…?
So what’s the purpose of a life insurance policy then?
To provide for your family in the case of your demise, especially should you be the main breadwinner and die while still an active employee.
But not in the case of my demise by tornado, terrorism or battle?
No.
But you should always wear your seatbelt because there is additional life insurance money (on top of your policy) if you had your seatbelt on.
As long as it was not terrorists that killed me while I was wearing my seatbelt during a monsoon?
Exactly (smiling while gritting my teeth).

4)
My coworker’s college-aged son is-
No.

5)
Condoms are covered under an FSA?
Yes.
Is this a recent addition?
Yes, in the past year.
But you didn’t send an email around the lab to tell everyone?
I didn’t see the necessity since you couldn’t change the amounts you put into your FSAs. Nor did I really want to send that email. Lastly, I am still unconvinced that my employees are buying condoms in such large quantities that they need to benefit from buying them pre-tax. (pause) That was not a question. That was a personal opinion.

(later, in my boss’ office)
I am so glad that Obama will be known as the pre-tax condom president. I think with the war on terrorism, taxation, abortion, health care, environment, worldwide politics, religion issues that abound, I am really glad that he took care of the pre-tax condoms first.
Boss: You’re just bitter about the World Cup soccer locations.

6)
I need to talk to the Work/Life Balance girl.
That’s me.
How do I balance work and life?
I don’t know.
Isn’t it your job to know?
No. Between you and me, I got given this title about 6 months ago and I don’t think it means anything.
Maybe because you know how to balance work and life?
No. I don’t. I try to do both 100% and fail.
Maybe because someone needed the title?
Unfortunately, yes. One of our competitors just added that department to their HR company.
But what do you do as Work/Life Balance girl?
A whole lot of work, minimal living and virtually no balancing.
Oh…and how is that different than your other job description?
Simple. I resource humans.
Boss: I think maybe Liz needs to eat some lunch, did you have a specific question to ask?
Who are you?
I’m the Benefits/Work/Life Balance manager
How do I balance work and life?
I don’t know.
Isn’t it your job to know?
(etc…)

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One Response to “HR Questions of the Day”

  1. Amy P December 7, 2010 at 12:17 am #

    Love it! You are too funny!

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